Baby X. Geller

Some people say that I have been acting strange lately, more than usual…that my mind seems to be elsewhere. Well, let me give you the reasons why.
Work is going well…maybe too well. I am skeptical when things there go well. Maybe it is just me? My kids are pretty good, but LOW! It is a struggle just to get them to be able to read and write, but they are very loving and give me presents often, so I am all good.
HOWEVER, the real reason for my distance and scatter-brained behavior is that I am in baby-mode. Well, we are in baby mode. See, I have wanted to have a child for, well, for ever! I guess it started when my brother had his first child and I was able to take care of her on my own several times. So, the thought entered my mind that I could do this. At that time, the guy I was dating did not seem like he was into that idea. No problem, I thought…I would just put that on the back burner for a few years.
Skip to Brian. I have seen Brian with his nieces and nephews. They are teen-agers, but he is still a loving uncle. His sister, Amy, recently had a baby and he is such a doting uncle. Kevin needs nothing, except love, yet Brian is there with toys and clothes and games, etc. His best friend from high school also has a baby and Leighton is pimped out in the best outfits, with the best toys.
Brian and I had spoken on several occasions about both of our desire to have children. "What is the easiest way to get that done?" Well, adoption. Understandably, it has been in the news recently with celebrities adopting 2 or 3 at a time, it seems. Brian, for his own reasons, did not want to adopt, and while I feel that every child born into this world deserves a loving parent, I agreed to field other options.
One weekend, while at an event in Center City, we were introduced to several same-sex couples who had their own biological children. Many were women who had a good "male" friend…a donor. Some were men, who maybe had a child from a previous marriage. I was reminded of a couple I met years ago at Shampoo. They were a monogamous couple. The older one, I called him Harrison for his striking resemblance to Harrison Ford, did not have any children, but his partner, whose name I cannot remember, had a child from a previous marriage. They were both great parents to the child, so I knew back then that it if they could do it, I could!
Anyway, at one of the booths, they were advertising for adoption and surrogacy. We got the brochures and later checked out the websites. Brian said he had seen an ad in a newspaper or magazine, so he went looking and we began researching several companies. We found a few, read what we needed, and decided on a few companies. After inquiring about a few, we were set on one, Circle Surrogacy. They seemed very knowledgeable and their results spoke for themselves. So here we were, ready to check out how Brian or I could become a biological parent to a baby. We did more research and set in our minds that we would deal with it in the summer. The summer came and went, but here we were, in the fall, and we began the process. We called the company and set up an initial meeting at their offices in Boston. I was sick with a sinus infection, but we boarded a plane at 6am, got there at 8, had our meeting at 10, and were home by 9pm, excited and exhausted from all that we had learned that day.
They went over the procedures (very interesting), the costs (not something I want to think about) and the steps (there are many). Turns out we can both be biologically related if we have multiples (something I REALLY want!). They went over egg donors, carriers and the option that we had, a friend being involved in the process. My great friend had offered to be an egg donor. I was ecstatic. I LOVE her and always thought she would be a great mom…just look at how she dealt with students! We were all set with the facts and had to make the decisions. I put her in contact with Rachel, our Social Worker from the agency and everything was underway.
Now, we needed the money. Yeah, the dreaded thought that enters a "straight" couple's mind AFTER conception had to be in our minds before we could even imagine conception. We did what we needed to get money, nothing illegal (lol) and have most of the assets set aside.
Unfortunately, my friend was unable to become the egg donor. For reasons that I could NEVER imagine sharing with anyone, she did not feel she could go forward. You know, I have heard some friends say bad things about her choice, BUT SHE STEPPED UP!!! I will always LOVE SAJ for everything she has done and will do for me, and the fact that she even entertained the notion for a second says a lot about her character and who she is as a person. She is loving and willing to give of herself to two men who she met only 4 years ago. She is Auntie S. and will always be a part of our children's lives. I LOVE YOU SAJ!
So, next step was to contact Rachel again and tell her SAJ's decision and find out where we went from there. This was also the time that the agency had found a prospective carrier. So, we had a carrier, the money, and us…we needed an egg. We decided to go with the agency and use a donor instead of a friend. I am down-playing all of the emotions that are involved in this process, but to say the least, I did not want to have another friend go through what Sally did…let a stranger do it!
We received several donor profiles and selected 6 we wanted more info on. From those six, we chose 2. And seriously, if you had a chance to read what some of these people write in their profiles, you would also think yourself," why would you possibly want to be a donor"? "Who would select you"? I can be slightly judgmental at this point, because I read 17 pages of general illness and unhealthy lifestyles that might show the eggs will be tainted to say the least.
Back to our two…we rated them on a scale of 1 to 10. I really liked one and pretty much the other…Brian felt the same about the same two profiles. Was it meant to be??? So, we write Rachel, tell her our decision, and wait. Ok, when I say wait, I mean a few hours. Rachel is the BEST at getting back to you. I know we are paying these people, but still, she literally researches the answer and gets back to us as soon as she can. That is service for you (another reason we liked this particular agency!). So, she sends us an email…"I have spoken to XXX and she would like to speak to you two as well." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! This is working! Also, the carrier is ready for our phone call…a few steps before we can get to that point, but we are ready.
OMG! So, what felt like a never-able-to-obtain dream is steadily coming to fruition! We have to call the egg donor this weekend, which I am nervous about, and then she will make her decision. Then, sometime this week, we will chat with the potential carrier…and then…well, that is where I stop, because I am not sure what is next. Sync our schedules? Choose a clinic? Fly to California? So many decisions, so many steps, so many things to contemplate…SO MUCH ADVICE THAT CAN BE GIVEN BY YOU, MY FAITHFUL READERS!
I have always been this way…the guy who likes to do things first. I was the first you knew who went to Russia…alone. I was the first you knew who studied abroad. I was the first you knew to teach in Philly, marry a man, and buy a house with him. And so, I am proud to be the first man you know to go through the process of surrogacy.
BUT, if anyone has advice or questions, I would appreciate it! And MONEY…boat loads of money! (Kidding…or am I?)